Friday, 4 March 2011

The format of Life

Two posts in one night - lucky hey!
I've cheered up and had time to reflect upon my earlier post. Emotions are very 'knee-jerk' at times.
Sometimes it annoys me how strong and painful my emotions are at that moment and yet hours or days later it can be seriously petty and minor.  So my main thought from that, and to anyone who reads this, is DO write down how you feel and then review it before its acted upon. I'm happy with my previous post, especially as I self modded myself quite alot through fear of upsetting people.

Anyway back to the point of this post.

I am not too sure how profound this is going to be or whether it is stating the bleeding obvious. Tonight I went with some brilliant friends to see 'Would I Lie To You' being filmed at Pinewood Studios and it suddenly sprung out at me; these comedians and celebrities are brilliant but if it was just them sat about it wouldn't be as funny. You see, the questions is just a springboard for their wit and humour and I think thats true with all situations. Maybe that is true of life - work is just a springboard for us to interact. And play is just the same. My involvement in amdram is actually just a reason to see and muck about with mates. I think this is best seen when people enjoy their work; prime example is radio/podcast presenters and its obvious when your waiter or salesman is genuinly lighthearted and happy.

What I am trying to say, is find a format that allows everyone to take part, feel needed and gain a sense of achievement - and of course have fun and allow a bit of a muck about.

But, there are times where an effort should be made and the platform is just the conversation. Sometimes we all need to hear, consider and converse with each other - I think counselling of sorts needs to be mandatory. I keep offering this olive branch and yet some people ignore it and I know that one is especially two-faced regarding me. No matter what, this sit down and talk/cry/moan/shout is always available, but you have to accept it and make the effort also.

Being silly is fine by the way. I'm 21 and aged 13 I was a single carer for a 47 year old alcholic - I am fully capable of dealing with A&E at 3am, or my car breaking down. What this means is I can play about and have fun but that does not mean I am a child, just that I am being childish. My life is too short not to have any fun or to worry about minor things, I.E dirty shoes.

In much the same way hunting lies and truths in a TV show is the platform for banter, comedy and entertainment: taking a deep breath, thinking and enjoying what and who is here and now is the perfect format of life and I hope we all act more upon it before it is too late.

Regret is a bastard, but thats another day.
Love you all, and again: write, think and review before you email/tweet/abuse/love me. Either way, I'd like your reviewed comments below.

Conflict and Self-devalue

Conflict is something different for me. The normal is Libya or maybe a feud like Montague and Capulet. Somehow for me its raised voices or a simple disagreement. It makes me scared, angry, an overwhelming need to cry and yet I can never show it or say it. All I can do is giggle - which seems to wind them up. Does everyone feel guilt like that?

I can't see a world where guilt at such things can ever survive.

The giggle is not my 'laugh' but it appears whenever people come across as aggressive or forceful. But my guilt doesn't say that's fair: they want to get their point across or feel they want to be heard. Even so, I cannot or should not deny how it makes me feel (which may not be rational, its emotion) which is attacked, wrong and ultimately I have to submit.

Afterwards I feel anger, certainly towards myself: why should I give in when I'm made to feel like that? I know they don't mean to make me feel like that but they do - and I should say.

But I can't, I don't and I won't. Letting myself get hurt and being submissive is okay, it keeps everyone happy...

Except me, I've been de-valued.





i hope no one is offended by this. this is my feelings and my blog. my blog is my  medium for it. much love

Conflict and Self-devalue

Conflict is something different for me. The normal is Libya or maybe a feud like Montague and Capulet. Somehow for me its raised voices or a simple disagreement. It makes me scared, angry, an overwhelming need to cry and yet I can never show it or say it. All I can do is giggle - which seems to wind them up. Does everyone feel guilt like that?

I can't see a world where guilt at such things can ever survive.

The giggle is not my 'laugh' but it appears whenever people come across as aggressive or forceful. But my guilt doesn't say that's fair: they want to get their point across or feel they want to be heard. Even so, I cannot or should not deny how it makes me feel (which may not be rational, its emotion) which is attacked, wrong and ultimately I have to submit.

Afterwards I feel anger, certainly towards myself: why should I give in when I'm made to feel like that? I know they don't mean to make me feel like that but they do - and I should say.

But I can't, I don't and I won't. Letting myself get hurt and being submissive is okay, it keeps everyone happy...

Except me, I've been de-valued.